"When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. -26 1amathrowaway 1 yr. ago "You show me a lazy p***k who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to p**s, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. You have no choice. ", 89. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. "Would a fly without wings be called a walk? AA: George Carlin can say some outrageous things -- years ago the US Supreme Court found his "seven filthy words" monolgue "indecent." RS: But when he stopped at the National Press Club in. JIM STAFFORD. '", 93. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president. Forget the politicians. Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is . ", 63. ", 102. They dont care about you at all. New evidence may suggest they don't and many voters are skeptical, too. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 12 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 5 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 1 hour 16 minutes. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. ", 52. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? LinkedIn sets the lidc cookie to facilitate data center selection. ", 107. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. "How is it possible to have a civil war? "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! Now I feel better. Its you. This cookie is set by pippio to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. You have owners. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. The late comedian often times poked fun at religion, politics, and social justice. Am I right? And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. George Carlin gives him the finger from the grave. "It's never just a game when you're winning. When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. It covers the most famous 'rant' part of the speech.  Now having somewhat successfully established my Press credentials and "War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die. This cookie is set by Eloqua. This cookie is installed by Google Universal Analytics to restrain request rate and thus limit the collection of data on high traffic sites. ", 61. ", 88. Everybody complains about politicians. George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. Trouble is, most of them suck. You have OWNERS! "Atheism is a non-prophet organization. ", 21. May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. "Bulls**t is truly the American soundtrack. "Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean that the circus has left town. ", 121. You ever notice that? You don't. You have no choice. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. These current events and social issues that are relevant today . RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. Craziest Republican Quotes of the 21st Century, The Funniest Political Quotes of All Time, Funny Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes as Actor and Politician, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. "People are fucking nuts. "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' Everybody complains about politicians. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. Chartbeat sets this cookie to store information about when a visitor has visited the site before. ", 22. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbyinglobbying to get what they want. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Everybody says they suck. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. Petras said shes glad the industry is finally catching on to her talent. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' It even sparked a legal case with the U.S. Supreme Court! "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. Toothpicks? Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. Casale Media sets this cookie to collect information on user behavior, for targeted advertising. "Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. "Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. "People always tell me 'Have a nice day.' By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. From Life Is Worth Losing. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. YouTube sets this cookie via embedded youtube-videos and registers anonymous statistical data. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. I mean, life is tough. This cookie is set by Segment to count the number of people who visit a certain site by tracking if they have visited before. You know what they want? 28. r/antiwork. "When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' They dont want to hear from you. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. This information is then used to select advertisements delivered by the platform and measure the performance of the advretisement and attribute their payments. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. Everybody complains about politicians. The cookies contains information that allows Prebid servers to distinguish between browsers and mobile devices. ", 10. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. ""The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. "A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town, the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with "pro-life" rhetoric while simultaneously attacking social . YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. Answer (1 of 16): He hated mostly all politicians. You think the schools are the way they are by accident? Teach them to question everything. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. 4. This cookie expires after 30 minutes but the timer is reset if the visitor visits a new page on the site before the cookie expires. "One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. "It's called the American dream . When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. Why? ", 56. and if you want to make this about "comedy" then Carlin should tell these things called "jokes". This cookie is set by the provider Akamai Bot Manager. Provided by amazon-adsystem to make advertising messages more relevant to the users and their interests. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! Forget the politicians. I'm used to dogs. "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin on The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder 1998 RayHamburger 95K views 4 years ago George Carlin on the Illusion of Choice in Politics. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? He loves you, and He needs money! Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' You probably know what pinkwashing and queerbaiting are, but how about abrosexual and multisexual? ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. If youre preborn, youre fine; if youre preschool, youre fucked. The _ga cookie, installed by Google Analytics, calculates visitor, session and campaign data and also keeps track of site usage for the site's analytics report. Ice Cube may be engaging in a political kerfuffle with Democrats following the news of his latest partnership with President Donald Trump's administration for the "Platinum Plan," but the rapper and actor is keen on letting his fans and followers know that he is not necessarily banding together with the government, despite what the past week of headlines might suggest. Individualists. CMPRO cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking, and for targeted advertising. Next, honor thy father and mother. However, Ice Cube has endorsed neither Trump nor his Democratic rival, former Vice President Joe Biden. ", 48. Fascism won it. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. Carlin was at his best talking about America's broken political system, summing up the anger, resentment and frustration felt by much of the population who knew something was wrong but could not express it. AddThis sets this cookie to enable the visitors to share the web pages on social platforms via sharing buttons on the website. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Rubicon Project sets this cookie as an internal user identifier that stores user data to be used for analytics. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. The v1st cookie is set by TripAdvisor to collect details about how visitors use the website, by displaying user reviews, awards and information received on the TripAdvisor community. They own everything," the quote reads. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. People are stupid because, well, people are stupid. ", 6. ", 75. The cookie, set by Krux Digital, registers a unique ID that identifies a returning user's device. The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. Known for his funny and sarcastic quotes, we think you'll get a kick out of his words. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Recorded on November 5, 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New York. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. It will not be with jack-boots. "'Bipartisan' usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. ", 108. he was a conservative. Theyre all in favor of the unborn. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Its a big club and you aint in it. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. ", 125. ", 6. "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. "There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. This cookie is native to PHP applications. Then you're just what they're looking for. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: It's call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.". They own, and control the corporation. 'They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. ", 10. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Scratch any cynic, and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". Amen and Awomen. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. But once you're born, you're on your own. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. That doesnt help them. He died from heart failure in 2008, survived by his second wife Sally Wade, and his daughter, Kelly. ", 120. Your culture and entertainment cheat-sheet. ", 49. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. He missed this one. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. Well what if I don't want to? Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. They dont want people who are smart enough to sit around a kitchen table and think about how badly theyre getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fuckin years ago. Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. ", 53. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. And Bushis pushing this country farther down the hill, faster than anyone has before. They own everything.. They don't fall out of the sky. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. - Arthur Baer. The session information includes the identity of the user, recently visited links and the duration of inactivity. ", 101. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big, red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day., This video is completely devastating for Trump. NID cookie, set by Google, is used for advertising purposes; to limit the number of times the user sees an ad, to mute unwanted ads, and to measure the effectiveness of ads. He has written many books full of brutally honest sayings and jokes, like Brain Droppings, When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?, Last Words, and more. January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. ", 84. ", 39. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. Carlin also said conservatives claim theyll do anything for the unborn. By the way, its the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. ", 14. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. Used by Microsoft Advertising as a unique ID for visitors. "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. Nobody seems to care. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. Just like homeless people. 03 Mar 2023 16:21:02 This cookie is used for preventing the installation of third party advertiser or other cookies on the browser. "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. We havent tried that for a while. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? ", 98. ", 87. "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' They own you. Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. "Never argue with an idiot. "A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. "How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? ", 97. Weve added years to life, not life to years. You can't be winning a culture war if most people hate you and your culture and it is causing you to lose elections. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). "I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Everybody's . "The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. Term limits aint going to do any good; youre just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. George Carlin quotes and jokes about politics and religion "Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. "Everyone smiles in the same language. ", 5. A 2018 survey by the Pew Research Center reports that less than half the country says elected officials care what . That is against their interests. ", 51. Thats the problem. George Carlin, I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. George Carlin, Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking; theywant obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. George Carlin, How can He be perfect? This cookie is set by DoubleClick and is used for re-targeting, optimisation, reporting and attribution of online adverts. LinkedIn sets this cookie to remember a user's language setting.

What Cheese Goes With Andouille Sausage, Mohawk Valley Pasteurized Process, Limburger Cheese Spread, 23 People Died At Michael Jackson Concert, Restoration Hardware Linen Couch, Articles G