you feel the loss even greater i feel. My brother died 14 months ago, he was only 23 and it was the biggest shock of our lives. I lost my husband 2.1/2 years ago to a vile terminal horrendous disease called MSA (Multiple System Atrophy). You are being really honest about your loss. Absolutely no warning. totally Before, at least I had some role to play in this horrific scene, but now it feels as though there is an even duller grayness about everything. So. Well a couple months after he was killed. I hate crying and find myself doing it more and more lately. That said; allow others in. Everything seems pointless now after being married for 44 years and now sitting alone. I am an adult orphan now. I keep asking myself inside and out how can this be. Lewis, 23 years old at the time, was the youngest "Big Six" leader to address the thousands-strong demonstration. I can relate to everything you all are saying One year has passed since you left your princess and gone to heaven. I have recently started a new job and have found that at my age, it is so much more of a challenge than it was just 10 years ago. My family is great but they are grieving also. But there is no clock on grief and it is such an important message to get across. I am grateful. We dont fit into our regular lives anymore. Many days feel worse than year one. We were married since September 2004 and Re married (I should say Valentines Day 2012) She would have been 39 May 15th Now two Birthdays have past and two Mothers day. Finally I want to say thank you to the lady whose post mentioned being in Lowes and becoming so frustrated that she left. He died September 2016. When we finished, I went to my studio to work for a couple hours. . I dont feel like I will get better, I feel like I will get worse. Glad I happened onto this website where I can share such deep feelings that I used to share with the love of my life. So thank you for all the sharing here. You are not depressed and forget the damn therapy! Im in very very poor health maybe my wish will come true and i can join my wife again. He also missed eating her sticky rice because according . I thought he slipped on the ice and hurt his back or knees. Hope you are looking after yourselves in these uncertain times. Well see how the third year is. to be strong for them, but some days Linda, I was with my husband less than ten years, I have found time together is not what counts, it is how deeply you loved. My health has been severely affected with a flare up of an autoimmune disease which ironically and surprisingly has helped teach me to live more in the moment and not have too much anxiety about the future. Wendy I lost my mother two yrs ago this December 22, 2017. I became a widow 25 months ago. The pain is unbearable. I just cant. And then it did happen. you are so right. One day we are shopping, and the next day Im dealing with his death. The Other Side of Grief is a series about the life-changing power of loss. It broke my heart to watch him suffer. People say you need to find love again. - Unknown. He is always with me! I feel hopeless and just want this horrible life to be over. I lost my dh 1 year 10m ago too. Be patient with those who dont understand. Do not see life as getting in the way of your love for your husband, Im sure he wouldnt want that either. Everyone tells me I should be better but I am not. I am grateful to read all of these posts because I dont think Im over my grief, yet I have always heard that at one-year I would feel better and grieving will be over. Its been nine months and not getting easier, why I was trying to see whats coming, when this pain will stop, its so exhausting. I lost 2 strong important women in my family at the end of 2018. It helps me all morning and day. I found pieces of the car the grill, a side mirror, the license plate, etc. Sometimes I feel its the house we lived in thats keeping me from moving on so I am selling it and getting a smaller place. Uthayanan SETHUPATHY. The mom I used to know whom I went out to malls, consignment shops, coffee shops, was long, long gone for about a decade. With over 18 stays in the hospital and 29 procedures to keep her liver going. This 2nd year is unbelievably hard. I lost my husband 2 years ago. i want them to be living their lives- its how it should be. I have found that others are more concerned about the death anniversary and the month surrounding it than I am. "To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die" - Hazel Gaynor. But I get no answers God doesnt tell me why just to trust Him. Everyone feels like Im negative, and depressing, and really I just want to see my mum. I sat today looking through the plethora of pictures of her and I'm just so happy I had what little time I did with her. wow. So happy . "The most beautiful moments always seemed to accelerate and slip beyond one's grasp just when you want to hold onto them for as long as possible.". We know we loved each other so much but this terrible addiction to everything away including her now. The first year after her passing was very painful, yet it was what some people called the numbing year. I want you to know that I feel alone without you. For me, that reuniting may be when Im shipped back to the USA to be buried alongside him. Isolated judged alone. So not get confused by readings and spiritual books, everything you need to know you already know AND if I get to the end of my life and there isnt anything else but being reunited graveside and no knowledge of it, I still will feel better for the illusion of togetherness than the reality of separation. I cant finish these details. I lost my mum very suddenly on the 18 January 2017. I am 16 months in and its is harder than the firstBUTi have joined lots of things and really get out and about. So, my big brother ended his life in May of 2019. he was a comic style artist and left me hundreds of incredible images and left me with the nagging sadness of wondering if I could have done something different to change his outcome. I miss the closeness of my husband. A year had passed. this is life what we deal with as best we can. I am a very strong person, but I longed for information and stories from other widows. No amount of time can heal the sorrow of your passing away. Its true, I feel relief reading similar experiences. I cant even remember the first few months. When he died, a part of me died with him. cindy your right when i lost my 7 year old son his brother who was 2 years older (my oldest son) totally changed as my sons death was unexpected its been 19 years since he died and his brother never got over it and was diagnosed with personality disorder 4 year ago they said it was brought on by the traumatic loss of his brother,for me the 19th year is just the same as the first year and 2nd and 3rd etc,i was told it would get easier but everyones different i guess because my heart is still breaking and tears still flowing. I took for granted that everyones dad was like this, but seeing how my partners dad is, he doesnt even come close, he doesnt come to see our little girl despite living not far, my dad lived for my little girl always asking for her on his almost daily calls and despite his bad knees would be on the floor with her making her laugh. Its horrific. I swim a lot and do Yoga and Mindfullness. I work, i come home and I go to bed and get up and do it all over. It's just me & my 6 year old son now. For everyone concerned. He had the same slightly crooked nose, mocha skin, 5'9" body and Spartan-warrior haircut. I totally understand. I have one regret that has sickened me this whole year, I wish with everything inside of me that I would have not let them give him the methadone and morphine but the choice was comfortable or in pain I chose comfortable not realizing that meant when they got the pain under control I nor my kids and grand-kids would never hear his voice again. I lost my husband of 34 yrs to a brain tumor 7 weeks after diagnosis. I also have had the occasional feather float down into my hand but the big one for me is butterflies. Psychiatrists want to put me on SSRIs and mood stabilizers because they believe I have bipolar disorder as a result of fluctuating moods. He, too had lung cancer and kidney failure and his death was sudden. I feel them close. Ann Marie it gets better slowly. I feel the same. It was more than a human can handle but. It seems I put so much of me into trying to get through the first year for our adult children, somehow the pain of the second year is catching me off guard. My world has been turned upside down. Lend a supportive ear to others. In February of last year, my Father passed away from pancreatic cancer. But I keep hitting brick walls. Despite aggressive treatment, she passed away after 9 months at 59. I have our two dogs (my puppies that keep me going). 4 days after my 55th birthday after 25 years of marriage, 2 years and 8 months ago. It never sets you up for well we knew it was going to happen. I was hyper vigilant about every little thing; trying to hold on tight and control everything to keep from going under. "Time flies, whether you're wasting it or not.". I am so lost still. I do have some hope to give you. Lots of noise. Thank you for your message. I moved home to St. Louis in September 2018. Year two was when reality somehow knocked on the door; it was terrible. Im struggling daily just to go on. Well in February 2017 the puppies went to their new homes. Stage one: denial. Reading others comments soothes me some and I thank you all. But, I want to share some discoveries I found that may bring a glimmer of hope and moment of peace in your journey with grief and suffering. It felt so good. I still cant believe hes gone. We have two adult children and want We had such a good relationship as Im sure yours was. Im numb with grief I cant get to church or the cemetery Im constantly in tears and my anxiety is through the roof. I am done. We had so many dreams I wouldnt know where to start sharing them. You can keep and display it, give it to family members or friends, or donate it in memory of your beloved. The first year was numb. But I miss my husband so much- its so hard ach and every day to continue on. Now without her? She has no idea what this loss feels like, what your love felt like, or what is right for you. My husband of 37 yrs passed away July 25 2018. I lost my husband 15 months ago. She is keeping me going. Suddenly my husband developed a cough and a month later he was dead of lung cancer. If I could take all of her hurt and put it on my own heart I would. Many blessings for all of you. Anyone else lost 2 sisters or siblings at young ages who can at least relate on why at almost 2 years post second loss I am experiencing deep depression and complete apathy sure I fake it and smile when one is cued because I dont know how to anymore. Feb 11, 2012 7:42 AM. Please think about your children and their pain and reconsider your actions. I keep thinking why! I would truly love to hear what others have done (remained or moved) and how they reflect on their choice. I have my days where just like you, I think if he takes me home tomorrow, its ok. Then I look around and realize I do still have my son and daughter and my lovely cats. I lost my wife 14 months ago, we Your email address will not be published. I look up at the sky and think of my husband all the time. If you've lost someone you're close to, you might recognize some of these. She managed to beat breast cancer but mysterious complications ultimately took her life. I laughed hard at that. For a special kind of grief support clickhere: GRIEF COACHING. I cook dinners, I help with homework, I give hugs. Next month is a two year mark that I lossed my only child, my little girl. I read about so many gone within a few months after losing their spouse and think how lucky they are! But you will grieve the rest of your life. My deep faith in God has sustained me and believe me this is a work in progress. I will always keep part of him with me. We all will walk this path our own way, its the most difficult challenge of ones life. I lost my firstborn precious child, my 10 year old son a few days away from 14 months ago. I know how you feel because I to,lost my husband two and a half months ago,and wish someone would share something to keep me going without him. My Husband of 53 Years had a stroke in July of 2016. You might even expect that of yourself. Shapes of the clouds. Rest in peace dad." "Our love for you is as strong as ever, Dad. I have been dating again although I was not looking I started to date an Ex that I have older children by, I Dont feel right and feel guilty at times but it helps sometimes. I dont want to. He was watching Sport Center I told him I was taking a quick shower and then Id join him. People who have not been through the sudden death of a spouse have no idea. I walk around with a smile and hide my pain from family and coworkers. Who knows, but you are on your schedule. I dont think I could find anyone that could be like him. There is hope; the sun does shine again. Its hard but we humans keep going. Ive cried so much. Yes there are periods of NO pain but never a time without remembering as one goes about lifes daily activities . Honor wherever you are right in this moment and know that even if it feels uncomfortable, unsettling and uneasy, that its probably exactly where you need to be. I believe this because of my faith. The pain was so great. We always hold my hand whether , We were watching TV, Driving in the car or going for a walk. Feel it and carry it as far as you can. Ive been going to a grief counselor and its helped a lot but this feels like something I havent experienced yet. I want to hear the sound of his voice, feel his arms around me, kiss me and tell me he loves me. On December 1, 2016 my papa (grandfather) passed away unexpectedly. All the talk about heroin overdoses and pet smart commercials is too much. He was sick for 6 months and then passed. Also I was told by the doctor to take time off my work to look after my husband. But what works for any of us is up to us, ourselves. And I think of him everyday . They are blessings. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago and miss him terribly. Each day.. I feel life will never be the same at times it feels like Im just lost. There is nothing that could ever have prepared me for the past weeks since she died, and while this isn't the first time someone has written about grief, and it certainly won't be the last, it . Im still not eating properly but am realizing how malnourished I am as well. They had a great loss as well My son was larger than life and is missed by everyone who ever crossed paths with him. Ive always been in control of my life & now Im not. My wife passed away march 13, 2015 after fighting cancer for almost 15 of the 16 years we were together. There were many ups and downs with surgeries and chemo, but she lived for everyday with our children. The pain is physical even as I start into year 3 without him. Is it because the 1 year anniversary brings back intense pain & memories? We are all torn apart. Ive thrown myself into work & remodeling the house, just to try & function & portray that Im normal. I wish everyone the best who want to continue their struggles to go on. What am I suppose to do now? Every night when I lay down I think if I dont wake up tomorrow morning It will be okay.. I am so sorry we are are all hurting people,i have found society is not real good at knowing how to help or react to us. Or 50 feet tall. My husband died 16 months ago. Please stay strong and know that youre not alone. My prayers are to hopefully things will get easier. Now Im at Year 4. I havent been able to do things that I normally did since the day he left. He had pancreatic cancer, and had 9 months to live after his diagnosis. I believe this is true. People always tell me to move on and Ive tried but it hasnt been the same. I miss him so very much. Just reading this now but I too have lost my fear of flying..it seems insignificant in all that has happened. I am a shell of what I was to never return to the happy go lucky-good guy I was because of my wife. 22 Sep 2017. Im not sure if people are afraid to ask me over to their house or what. I will never be fine that was my baby. The death of a child is brutal, messy, cruel. How so fortunate they are not to go on. Perhaps Im also very worn out as life has been tough & catching up with me. Her death is still the first thing I think of when I wake and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. I feel your pain every moment of every day. He is the best person to talk to. I lost my son and then his father 150 days later. The longer its been since weve seen them or heard their voice. I feel I have no strength and he would want me to be strong. I felt so lost. We were told of the poor prognosis but we soldiered on and thought she would somehow wake up and get better. I have been off work for a month and finding hard to cope the thing that keeps me here is my grandkids.So for me the second year is worse maybe cause l was numb because l lost so much in one month all l do at the moment is live each day hoping tomorrow will be better. Any suggestions will be appreciated. I feel I am grieving harder now then the first year after he died. I am just that a misfit. As a result, he drowned. After I took him off life support. I identify with the fear of more & more time passing since he was here. Praying at night sends me off to sleep. We been together for 46 years. Im sorry. My husband was a juvenile diabetic since his teen yrs. Death cannot kill what never dies" - William Penn. Kids will find their lifes and live it. Love, Robin. I have my cats but they are getting old too. Im remember things I wish I would have done and several moments I wish I could have done better. What you just said describes how I feel about my husband who passed on from this life in July of 2020. My prayers are with all of us that are going through this horrible grieving with broken hearts. I want him back but I cant have him so Im living in hope that we will be reunited one day. Sometimes I think Im to young to be dealing with all this pain but the love I had for him only means my pain is real. "The bad news is time flies. I lost my wife almost 5 years ago. I read The Year of Magical Thinking and at the end she says that eventually your loved one will become just a photo on the dresser. You feel Every time I see a truck like he drove it brings back my pain. I wish Good would hear my prayers and take me away. My story is like yours, the most sudden pulmonary embolism of the love of my life. Im in 18 months of losing my mother/best friend to sudden loss. They didnt die alone. It took at least a year to realize that the evidence I would get was the fact I held on to him. Such as giving a lot of her things away, doing things I enjoy and now because I have decided to move to Washington, which I currently live in Ft Worth Texas. Im so angry about that now, I could have took better care of him here with us. i wish all of you well, and know i ache for you and your losses. *DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US! The lord has a better plan for me. Maybe its a person who is also floating. Most of the time things are ok but every now and then Ill have a day thats just a throwback to the original date. Itll be two years next month since my my husband ofalmost 30 years died. it helped and still does. I just dont want to do anything. I pray the memories of her life will last forever. Im sorry for your loss. It makes me cry to see us dance together, but it reminds me that he was once a living breathing person who loved me deeply. So everyday I get up and miss them both terribly. He had a massive heart attack but the insurance said he was not sick enough to have the tests to get treatment. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. Thanking God for the time I had with my husband we were together 36 years but it seems harder now. I thought I was going crazy, until I came to this post. I hv a beautiful daughter, but I want her 2 live, not burdened w/my emotions. We had been married for 58 years. Sometime I just have the urge to pack up from my city and move but o know it want take the pain and emptiness I feel. I dont know what to think. (My sister and my dad helped, too.) I realised also I can now go back to work. It NEVER stops hurting. It is hard for my Ex to deal with me sometimes because of how much she sees how much i Love my wife and wishing she was her, and how special days makes my grief pick up. But his plans now don't appear as concrete. I seem to be crying much more during the holidays. Nothing left for me. I lose my husband two weeks ago. I still wear my wedding ring Im never going to take it off she is my love and only no datting for me there no one out there who will replace her. There is not a day when I do not think of you. I hate that he left so unexpectedly and I never had a chance to tell him goodbye or that I loved him so much. Still, I never felt more alone. Im bipolar, which does not help. All me best regards. According to Google that's 9490.01 hours, but to me it feels like an eternity. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at OHare. He passed suddenly 7-18-16, and I still cant believe he is gone. They say I have chose him over them so theyre pretty much through with me what I need help dont know which way to turn. Karl thank you for your comment. I was with him everyday and night for a month during transplant and then nine month later he went in with the infection and I stayed with him five days and nights. I shed MANY tears. I finally am getting some grief counseling and it helps me to know that Im doing pretty well on the widowhood scale. All they bring is grief. I lost my husband 2 years ago very suddenly, we had been together 43 years. It's the kind of heartache you can feel in your bones. But the assumption for most is that as long as they can get through that, it should be smoother sailing in the days ahead. We have good days and bad days but the longing is always there. He looked after me when I was young and we had such conflict too. And evethough it was most peaceful thing I have ever scene. His father had heart disease and We knew he had probably inherited his fathers genes for heart disease who passed at forty six and his father before him passed at forty two. I miss him dearly, I am asking same question as you . My boyfriend Michael passed away suddenly two years ago. So in addition to trying to process her death, I still find myself saying to myself What happened? . Year two can be very difficult, in some very unexpected ways. I am very bitter Had a letter from Hospital admitting neglect but I havnt got my Husband the love of my life, I am struggling to get on with my life but its so hard as it is for everyone on this forum, We no longer live we exist, Pam xx. Just what can I do? He battled his fibrosis for around eleven years, never giving up and walking the dog faithfully every day until this horrible illness got a final grip on him. I have good friends and a lovely daughter, but she is in a bad place with it all too. It has been over 2 years and I still miss him so. would be thinking I should be over my grief by now. Lost my son,my only child and best friend,13 months ago,38 years old,fell down his basement stairs,hit hit his head and died four days later.The pain gets worse every day.I cant even say more. Routine has changed so much and thats hard for me because I felt lonley. Im still trying to somehow soothe their pain, their need and its getting harder by the day. i am approaching the second year since my wife died unexpected she went to visit our son and died of a brain aneurysm non his front lawn- Married 36 years- every day is a struggle and as busy as i try to be having two children in their thirties i still feel so lonely when i am alone at bedtime, it is inconceivable that i can be happy again. Many of the people I work with are several years past their loss and are struggling with confidence and decision making. But it does help to know that I am not alone and unfortunately, there are others struggling as much as I am. I think of her every day and night. Looking for an answer. We held each other. There are times when sheer terror for my future without her just paralyzes me. The sadness is overwhelming. I keep begging Stephen to come back,I scream at him. May God bless you and comfort you on your journey. I am beyond guilty because I was the one to ask him to get the shot and it was because of me that he had been so weakened by that rare disease. Not up and down but flat and down. Humans have the capacity to share themselves with another press. . Made some new friends as well, attend a different church. But I realised life has to carry on. Early on I dehydrated terribly and could not think clearly at all. He was a wonderful man, husband, father, gaga and he was my very best friend. But there was a need to accept at a deeper level, and it was very very hard. The timeline is based on data on when breakthrough infections occur. On that day I broke down in tears. We were together for a year. Biden's order included a 60-day review. Im not suicidal, but I really dont care if I go on living, or not. They dont want to hear about it anymore. So it is a major move, but I am waiting until the end of the year or beginning 01-01-19 to make sure it is for the right reasons. I dont understand why! I try to keep moving forward but sometimes feel stuck. The song comes five months after the artist's mother, Suzanne Olmstead, passed away in November 2021. My husband died suddenly, a little over two yrs ago. Please know that I am entering my 7th year of the loss of my spouse. Its tough, 2 years ago my wife had back surgery the third morning after surgery she complained of a hard time breathing early the next day the hospital called and she passed from a blood clot. I knew she was the love of my life, and she felt the same. Less than a week went bytraumatized despite all of this, but coping. I have maintained same treatment for 1 year longer than we were together. I woke up every morning, fed my children, got them to school, then returned home and curled up in bed. But mostly not going to my mums everyday. We were married for 55 years and planned on living to the age of 90 and then we would be ready for God to call us home when he wanted to. When a parent dies, guilt can become a burden because of past arguments you now regret or maybe because you think you didn't do enough to help them. I will type a little should you come back here. I wont do away with myself, but hope someday soon, it will be over. And nothing helps, no praying no counseling the kids are far. So much ahead-so many great plans. im old hahahaha He was diagnosed with GBS syndrome. I found him within seconds. Holly, I felt I should have paid more attention and have found the money to pay for the tests that would have shown he needed medical treatment. My spouse passed away a limitless more than year ago . I say to myself to what end? My heart goes out to you all. I have a t-shirt on his pillow from his memorial that I have been sleeping with for over a year and I really dont care what anybody thinks it helps me. I know how you feel! Dont put timelines on your grief! I cry and curse yet, but I am not debilitated on the floor for an afternoon. It has not. You know ever since he passed away. Oh precious fellow travellers. We both had been married before and had children. So I know that feeling. Hello Robert. My youngest son lost his battle to addiction Sep 30 2017. I just cant get my brain to accept the situation and get on with normal life. Hi Sharon Do I really like this person. i should have died not him he was extremely known birdwatcher with so much energy went all over the world I let him go I said be happy do what you want to be happy had more energy than I did walked dogs twice a daytil he died all organs died thar weekend toxic shock pneumonia was in all organs toxic shock syndrome pneumonia was throughout all his body got cancer from 1996 toxic water from crestwood ill water by mayor to make money let water combine with waste from the dry cleaners there had cancer 17 years of cancer. Yet, everyone loved him. I stay busy. I guess I will always feel this way. I had started running at 56 years old, when he got sick, to keep me sane. She passed in August 2017, and we dedicated our 2018 season, featuring 'Two Crowns,' by Randy Vader and Jay Rouse, to her memory." Diana Williams Martin "I started a candle business in honor of my Rosita Bonita. We just live in two different places right now. Jackie you expressed much of what I feel for the most part. my daughter whom i was very closed t passed away 18 months ago i miss her so we were like sisters i have lost any feelings i cannot cry y i want to but the tears will not come i used to be a lot of fun but now i just dwell on what has happened to lose daughter when she is part of u is the worse feeling i have tried to keep busy but nothing helps wish i could cry.

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